Days go by and live goes on, right?

hmm I dont know anymore..

It's been so long since I actually checked this account or anything.. hmm life just kind of took it's toll on me and guess what.. I got my heart broken again. It's funny how that keeps happening.

Anyway - work's going alright, pretty decent. I've made friends there, Stephanie - sorta.. Lars, Ryan, and Nathan all say hey whenever they walk by, especially if I look down, which is cool.

Home life is alright, no major problems here. Just some small annoyances, and one thing that breaks my heart and leaves me very suspicious... Blume disappeared.. Joy refused to let her in for almost a week, wouldn't let her in at ALL but would let her cat in... and then, four days after she "noticed" she was missing, she asks me if I've seen her... it's been 2 weeks, no ones seen her.. I feel like a horrible person for letting her go away like that, but all I can do is hope she found a family that can take better care of her than I apparently can.. I hate myself for not knowing she was gone... but lately it's been all work and no play. I go to work each day and come home and then relax a little and then sleep and start all over again. Sometimes I work on school work... and for a long time I would spend a lot of time talking to Russell.. but at the beginning of Oct. my whole world slipped and I basically became a zombie and just did the simplest things that I was supposed to do.

I got my license. Big whoop huh? No.. I don't go anywhere or do anything.. well, except work and the Halloween party my coworkers talked me into.. I went because I really needed a distraction, but at the end of the night I was more reclusive and depressed than before.

Oh- my antidepressants were 'upped' again.. 30 mg for 3 months and if that doesn't kill the insanity then up to 40 or a different type... 40mg is the highest they allow for the ones I'm on right now.. and after the Russell fiasco and all the other stress factors going on I was going down hill pretty fast and far.. I lost 14 lbs in a week and could't eat.. it was worse than before... but I'm doing better now, still have some emotional issues, but thats to be expected when people fuck with your head and heart as much as people have been with me lately.

I hung out with my little brother all day today, well yesterday. He loved it. He misses me so much =/

I sprained my ankle 3 weeks ago, fun stuff... this is the 5th time I've sprained the right one... its not healing right.. so I went to the doctor today.. he thinks it's partially torn... fucking blows camel balls.. it hurts all the time.. and he told me to take 600 mg of ibprofen 3 times a day, and if it doesn't get better in 10 to 14 days to go back and they will do a ct or something so find out for sure what's wrong. Oh well I guess, I can still walk on it without dying from the pain, but its messed..


Stupid old cats are fighting on my bed =.=

I miss the old days even more now.. I'm glad I'm becoming independent but at the same time, I want someone to be there...

hmm... trying to think of things to say, things to update, but so many things are whirling around in my head that I can't even remember my original goal for this journal.. I have't been able to do any art, of any kind :c lately... it's awful.. I feel pretty empty without it, I haven't written a real poem in months... maybe even a year.. well shit, yea, it's been since Jordan.. speaking of which.. =]

I'm proud to report.. we're friends, he doesn't hate me, and the kids turning his life around. He's been clean for 2 and a half weeks, he's looking for a job, putting out applications and staying on the good side of the law. He's going to take Jak Jak when he moves out, which is in Feb. he turns 18 then. He actually wants to get his shit in order. =] It makes me feel good, even though I had nothing to do with his turn around, well at least I don't think I did.

OHMYGOD - I finally figured out why I was sucking so horribly at physics!! >.< OMFG it's ridiculous... I had stopped working on it because I was so sure that something was wrong with the stuff they sent me, they even sent me the books again to make sure they were the right ones, they were >.< but then when I turned in one of the exams the other day, I called and raged because the answers it said I got wrong, I KNEW were right, I was looking at them in the book right then and there... and then the tutor Kiwana said something that literally made me feel so dumb.. I had told her that I had just turned in exam 5 and then pointed out the answer that I was looking at in the book, and then when I said the page number the test results said the answer was on, it clicked for both of us... She told me I had never turned in exam 4..

I had turned in the first exam with no problem but then I had done more than one exam at a time and hadn't turned them in yet so then I turned in 3 instead of 2 and when I failed I turned in the right one, but after failing you can't get higher than a 65.. so that fucked my grades all up... and then I made it worse.. I turned in 4 instead of 3 and then fixed it, but again.. no higher than 65, and then I turned in the 5th exam in the place of the 4th.. and once Kiwana figured it out, she fixed it for me, she took away my first tries so I had just the score I would have gotten had I not fucked up.. so now, I'm working on my midterm for physics and I'm passing it with just under an A. =]


Ugh, anyway, I've been sick for 3 weeks now and it's getting progressively worse and my sleepable hours are slipping away as I sit here and ramble so I'm going to go to bed now..

I miss you guys, a lot.. and I'm going to try and be better about saying hey and checking in and stuff =/

I love you Brucey =] I miss you like crazy, you tooo Twinie

anyway sweet dreams and good night.